The Smiling Sheriff of Promise Junction

The Smiling Sheriff of Promise Junction is a drinking song composed by Gilbert Sullivan. He wrote it while performing at the Red Dragon Inn in the titular town, in honor of Bramus, the captain of the town guard.

The Dwarves of Promise Junction, building roadways all day long

They come into the Arr-Dee-Eye, to drink some ale strong

But if they get too drunk and try to chop you with an axe

The smiling sheriff of Promise Junction will stop them in their tracks

The Gnomes of Promise Junction, wheeling dealing all the gold

They stand out in the marketplace, where goods are bought and sold

But if they try to steal your coin and leave you destitute

The smiling sheriff of Promise Junction will make them feel his boot

The Orcs of Promise Junction, in their temple with the eye

If you show weakness in a fight, they'll beat you 'til you die

But have a wrestling match with them and if they start to whine

The angry Klaven of Promise Junction will keep them all in line

The Gnolls of Promise Junction are a real chaotic crew

If you don't pay attention they might walk right out on you

But when they get too wild and go on a killing spree

The smiling sheriff will lock them up and throw away the key

So when you visit our fair town, you never need to fear

You can rest assured that you will be protected here

Now Bramus' name is being spread across this country free

The smiling sheriff of Promise Junction, friend to you and me

The smiling sheriff of Promise Junction, friend to you and me!

Note: Those who have heard it find themselves wondering whether Gilbert might have...er...borrowed the tune to this song, but surely that's not possible.